*Warning* Please ignore this, I'm ranting to myself again..
I wish... I could do whatever I want but that's totally impossible. Once, I sincere to put my heart and trust in God, next thing I know... I'm out of my righteous path on how to become an obedient child of Him....Guess, I'm lost AGAIN >.
Why me? So many things happened for the past few months. Especially commitment, I can't give myself 100% because I not giving my best in whatever I do...I wish I could be a small kid, running around freely without any troubles in my mind.... I feel the pressure every day whether in work, gb, hand bells, home and with friends and family. Lately, with friends....I don't want to mention about it... I know I don't have the right to judge...It's hurtful when I think about it....
I feel I'm not good enough for them.. What is this world about? Money? Power? This world is totally corrupted and full of bad influences..I wish I'm not living in this world.. that's what I call suffering...it's temporary, and I lost my sight again....
Honestly, I'm more alert than last time because I think people misused me for who and what I am before...I don't want to be innocent.. I don't want to get bullied by people. I'm more self centered now, I know how to fight for my right, more aggressive.. I'm not the last time me - too stupid/weak to fight back..
Consequences for neglecting my belief:
I'm not as nice or kind as last time.. I'm getting more hot temper and stubborn as well, I don't have the patience, I'm going crazy soon, or probably need counseling...Last time my mom told me this before - *Go and see counseling*I don't know whether is a joke or a serious comment which I think useless because I don't easily open to anyone to know my deep secrets and I don't know how to face Him again.
I can't even share with my mom.. all I know, I cry easily almost every day...
I have tried to think too much about it.. but still I can't run away from it...I'm stuck with the position now.. that's my life... Who cares?
Oh please, don't tell me how to face/change it...for my sake, just pray for me...thank you. :|
3 comments:
See me then...hahahaah....
Well, i am going through the process as well....
every thing i handle have pressure and its unexplainable...
I need to de-stress every weekend by playing table tennis... now its 3 times a week!
Well, as you begin to be harm(used) by others, your automatic reaction is to protect your self... it may sound selfish, but that is how we react.
Friend, no turning back. No point looking back and childhood. What u ought to do is to analyst and do some changes.
tc !
LOL! Thanks Jarod, for dropping by... I'm ranting as usual..Why I see your comments in my rant posts only.. You should be a counselor :) Study that course!
Trying to release stress like you..
I wish I could turn back time but can't.. need to move on my life...
I will.... hahaa.. See when we can meet up to play L4D2 next time! Bye and tc..
lol... do I need to counseling to be a counselor? i AM a natural counselor...lol... no need to study...hehe..
hope 2 meet up with u one day! tc
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