Don't Look Back!

I'm actually studying a book "Experiencing God" by Henry & Richard Blackaby & Claude King with two sisters in the office. I had great time of learning about Him. I believe you can get the most out of it. I came to know my Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit in a different way. =) I would say deeper and fruitful way. Through our sharing, we learn to accept and encourage each other. Let me be honest here, it's not as good it seems now as we had some misunderstanding about trust issue. If can, do pray for us. I do wish we can continue in Jan, a new beginning for 2013. I will keep praying. 

I recommend you to get this book as it will impact you, a total different perspective/way about this real and personal God! More of a love relationship guide about Him. I just learned about  when I'm in circumstances that are confusing, I can go to God and ask Him to help me see His perspective on my situation (current emotional stress, which is totally unnecessary). You can ignore  the rest of the post if you do not want to know about my life. =)    

I'm actually not in the mood to blog because I really feel emo right now. All because of one topic - singleness. I know I hate to be alone. Especially, at this age with all my primary school mates/peers are getting married, settling down and some having babies now. Ouch! Life? Can it be more easy to handle? O Lord, sometime I wish I do not have this kind of feeling at all. It started early this year, and it get worse! I thought I told Him last year I would be single for the rest of my life. I only hope I have Him is enough! You must be thinking the same thing, ask God why? Yea, I did! But it's not like I'm gonna choose how my life to be... I'm not Him and I don't play God. *ranting*

Hmm..I saw him today in church, best part? He didn't even say 'hi' after so many years of knowing him. How can he? This is what you call friends? Sucks. I wish I do not meet him at all.. *I'm super emo* yes! I am! *ignore me*

I know I need to move on. But sometime, change takes time. I'm learning to overcome by trusting Him even though it is hurtful to get over it. I confessed that I've been crying like mad over a relationship that won't happen at all. I know I need to express it out! I just need to. No where else, not even people closest to me. Patience is what I need right now. I will wait for Him. Trusting and dependence on Him! Facing the hard ways of doing so!

The fact? Yes. I'm still single. Even though I dated once before but He didn't allow any guy to pursue me directly. In fact, I stayed away from a guy. So what's the big deal? I'm okay with my singleness not until early this year. Why this year? I felt so much pain in my heart. Ouch! I had enough. I just need Him to fill the hole in my heart. *stop ranting*    

Looking back, I'm actually stupid enough to be so self-centered! I confessed I'm not thinking about others when I'm super into my problems. I guess this is a season to learn to trust Him completely. I have been taking Spiritual food and giving it out. I'm learning to balance both. Sometime, it's not me who can manage it but it's the Holy Spirit at work in me. I can tell you the truth I'm super bad in admin skill. All glory goes to Him!

This month is hectic as I have arranged appointments with different people, catching up with them, encouraging each of them (doing some mentoring process) in term of spiritual growth. I wish I could impact them in a way that God has placed them for me in the beginning. He is using me (a total weakling) to shape some people I guess. I trust that He is doing something in my life. 

Sometime, I wish I just stay put in the Girls' Brigade. I missed GB. If I don't quit, I would never cry that much! I wonder a lot lately. Sometime, I do feel regret.... Guilty for thinking it now. Honestly, I learned a lot in one year in my workplace. He placed me there for a reason. Especially, molding my characters. A lot of bad characters in me. He is the Potter and I'm the clay! 

I'm listening to some worship songs to calm my soul. A time to heal for me now as written in Ecclesiastes.