Decided? Move? I am still waiting for the right timing

Honestly, I pray that God will take control of my life instead of me.

Over the past few weeks, I felt too dry to move on, or rather, I want to move out from my working place.

I went for a 'silent' retreat, four days away from the main city.

A sister whom I trusted the most ministered to me.

I would say it's not too late to encounter Him in different situation in my life.

I love the mother nature. I'm thankful to Pr Chai Hock and Aunty Lillian for operating this place.

I love the big green leaves, the cooling surrounding, the three man's best friends, Kangaroo, Tam and Rusty and everything that they preserve it.... last day, I heard the sound of Gibbons too... Well, God kept the place for me and my sister. No one else! Total quietness and not even the mosquitoes.  I saw fireflies too.

I love the 'mini' waterfall too. What is more to say? The beautiful mother nature place God has created.

Pr Chai Hock started with RM500 only, God blessed them from buying the land, designing, construction, and others... the rest is history. I sensed the deep peace within me. 

I can't thank them enough for such a beautiful place. Even my a few cg members, for all the people who care about me. They prayed for me. I praise Him for you all. Sincerely from my heart, during this time, I felt His presence. God was speaking to me with different people. I was at the cross junction and lost my way. He is my Shepherd. I had drifted far from Him.

Nevertheless, I know what am I focusing now. I don't want to run too far. There is a time for everything. I guess, it's another journey for me to move on. It is painful, so painful that I could not take another step anymore. Spiritually, I was running dry, I became more task oriented. I blame no one but myself for not  spending quality time with God. Work, study, exercise routine, catching up with friends and others have been my priority. I was searching for security, affirmation, acceptance, and affection but I can't get any of it. I was hurt, neglected, and even rejected. It's shameful.

I don't see myself worthy of all until someone reminded me that I am important. One thing I know that Christians often take things for granted. It's heart ache to see fellow brothers and sisters are behaving like this. I do have expectations. I am made in His image, well I can say He has expectation for me to live my life to the fullness, fully surrender and obeying His call and commandment. I have feelings too. I am not a robot for people to push any button they like me to do. In this case, I don't see myself fit in this area anymore. I became somebody else, a follower, selfish task oriented person. Not the one I used to be, people oriented, which I can see in people's live is full of excitement and other things...

Well, one more month before this year ends... I pray that He will give me a clear direction in life. I am meeting my boss soon. I pray that everything will fall into His perfect plan. Apart from Him, I can do nothing in life. Please pray for me... thank you!

Heavy heart, sincerely thankful, Serena