I know I've not updating my blog recently because of my laziness. I know the Holy Spirit is guiding me always but I tend to ignore His help and guidance. I know I'm heading downward again in my spiritual life. It's so difficult to live in this world belongs to this Mr. s. a. tan. I confessed to Him this early Morning at 1 something and decided to put it into action. That's the reason why I'm typing this out. I just want to share a few things that happened to me since I resigned from my job in June.
Yes, I'm still jobless now and waiting for the second interview by the Senior Pastor. No news now, will keep on praying. I decided to learn to fast on (meat) next month (September). As for this month, I will fast on and off now.
What actually happened between July till now:
1. Jobless is NOT fun. NO income, made me hard to support my basic stuff like insurance.. etc. I made no effort in keeping up my Spiritual life. That's why I can fell into the drain very fast. I have to confess that I'm hook into games again. It is sucks because I tend to ignore the peoples around me. I have bad tempered easily (every now and then).
Being emo is NOT good! But thank God, my Counselor never gives up on me. He convicted my sins. I repent again and I want to stop all these nonsense that gives into temptations. I pray that I could be more discipline and God will change me back to be more like HIM.
2. Church is having problems with the local JAIS group, dark and evil forces around our Church every now and then. I will keep on praying for my church and the peoples involve in this matter. Senior Pastor reminded us not to against peoples but against principalities of this world.
3. The OCZ conference was awesome, waiting for my Church mission trip to orang asli here. Indeed inspiring but Holy Spirit reminded me to forgive this gal from the same church. Her presence really disturbed me when she is ignoring me during the conference. What have I done? I'm actually quite sad but just have to leave it to God.
4. Parents worried and put pressure on me on and off. I give myself till end of Sept. If things not working out in the Church, then I will have to move back to corporate world. I have to change to another environment. I know I could not get support from the Church to work in OM because I'm just a newbie in the Church.
5. Thank God who gave me a friend from the States. I had the opportunity to take her in and bring her around. My family is blessed. I think it's a real blessing and birthday gift from God that I received her CD about faith. Definitely, love listening to it. And thank God for all the blessings (birthday celebration with friends and families).
6. Great trip with Sao Yee and Cynthia in Bukit Tinggi, thank God! You have used me to share some Good News to them. Not to mention, the road trip with Stephanie :) Love the trip and it's a blessings that we can share with others.
7. Being single? Yes, I'm okay but still need time to accept it. Praying hard. God, please show me the way that You want me to go. The decision going to the States is not easy. I felt like suddenly backing out the plan. I know I wanted to go but Seng Mun told me to really pray hard, and I should be using my own money instead if I want to be independent. Her words make me to re-think the choice. If God really allows, I shall go. If not, I will be fine staying back. As for myself, I know I wanted to experience something especially away from my family for a while. I'm confused at time.
8. Driving really drives me crazy! I thank God that He allowed yesterday incident happened to me. I felt super regret because I was driving without thinking right. I was blinded by my anger (emotion). I had put the safety of my gal friend, and maybe my family's safety in my own hands. Definitely feel sorry for the whole night. Thank God for sending her to go with me, if not her words, I would have not be thinking about it. Holy Spirit convicted me real hard on these. Thank God nothing happen to us, if not, I will feel regret for the rest of my life. I learned hard lesson yesterday. I pray that the uncle will forgive my mistakes because I have made him pissed off.
9. Someone cheated my whole family (involves a lot of money). I pray hard the person will soon come to know this God and realize that she is wrong. I felt sorry for her and the family because they are in bad debt. They even misused God's name and compared me and my family for going to church. My heart saddened, but what can we do? Only pray.
Yesterday I read a lot in Isaiah. Isaiah 55:1-13 (Invitation to the Thirsty), Isaiah 56:1-8 (Salvation for Others), and Isaiah 58:1-14 (True Fasting). These verses move my heart. I know God is speaking to me. He is reminding me again.
All I can say, I'm SORRY ABBA FATHER! I should be learning a lot now. I should be praying more!
Thank you,
Serena
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