Hi, especially to myself.. Again, I have abandoned this blog... I know I'm getting busier each day... I know why I'm placed by Him in this job and other stuff. Honestly speaking I'm so physical tired by now. Spiritually I'm still ok. I planned to fast for forty days but I broke it anyway...and now I was like taking a meal a day but fast on solid food for the other meals.
But I still pray, especially for myself and other people, and not to forget this upcoming Juniors' camp.
I know I don't have enough rest, and that's why I'm feeling not myself at all. I feel stressed out easily nowadays. I know I should not. Especially when I'm on the road. I have all sort of angry feelings. Is this spiritual warfare? Whenever I'm closer to Him. I wish I could express it all out. Yes only to Him, no one else understand me better.
I want a long holiday now...just ranting. I think I've over stressed....Last year I missed the opportunity to go to Korea... But when can I go? I just want to take a few holidays...real holidays and enjoy my long rest. Not for now.....I don't have saving. I know God only provide what it is enough for me. Nothing more or less. I realize I'm not a good steward of money, I don't know how to save now.
I love and enjoy helping people, I know I have the gift of giving... But I just realised I'm giving out too much in terms of energy, time, and money. I feel demotivated now and then. I wonder how long I can be the fool for Him. No choice as long as I'm living in this world. I don't know people realize of my gift, guess they don't. Until to the point I want to push all things back to Him. Often I think why He let me go through this... I feel like giving up soon... He is the One who placed me to have this and that passion. The problem now is that I don't have faith in my future. I don't have high hope for now. Just live day by day....
Guess I'm going to stuck here for the rest of my life.......I guess I'm tearing my own self apart for not wanting this gift, realizing that I can't handle this...being gracious, patience, humble and obedience....
Do pray for me on this...I lose hope in myself for not being like Christ.......
That's all.......
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