Expectation, expectation? and EXPECTATIONS?

Dear Heavenly Dad,

I can say I learned a lot during the past few weeks. Counting my days here in the office, it's nearly one year. I need to do reflection of how You have helped in my spiritual growth.You have indeed changed my perspective of life especially working in the Church. What can I say? From the previous post, I'm thankful to You. Of course, I will continue to praise You every day. It's definitely a tough experience and journey here. I realized coming here to work is a training field or should I say battle field. 

Always need to remind myself, I'm in the war with the evil ones not humans...... You know it's super hard for me to go through this stage. A lot of expectations in life, especially being a part of this church. I need to die to myself, or learn to empty myself and let the Holy Spirit work through and in me. I can't stand seeing leaders who do not show Christ-like characters. 

It's total disappointment for me to see how they behave and they called themselves leaders. It's true I feel sad, and always ask You the same question, why I have to serve them when they are not even showing their love to others? I know I serve You only not them, You gave me strength to stay until now. If You didn't help me from the beginning, I do not think I can survive here. I might just give up and miss the chance of learning new things from You.  

You showed me how wrong I was. I shouldn't judge them. I shouldn't complain or even hate them. Who am I to judge them? No one is perfect. I know You have placed me here for a reason, to be humble like Jesus. I find it hard because I'm battling myself how can I love them for who they are. I'm truly sorry. Growing up in GB, being a leader in the organization, I know how hard to be a servant like Jesus. Even tho, I couldn't stand them but Lord, You didn't set expectation on me, why I set the standard/expectation for the leaders. Please Lord, teach me to be more gracious like You.

Now, I truly understand why church members (like me who used to attend church on Sunday only) do not understand staff members. This is new ball game for me. It's totally different from the corporate world. Church members can complain as much as they can when things are not right in their eyes. They can complain about the pastors, staff, courses, facilities, parking, etc, etc but they have not stand in our positions and look from our view points. It's sad because it's still happening in every church. I know the devil will use church people to attack the leaders, but You are in control of every situation. I need to pray more. I know You are listening.  

If I've never been here, I will never understand how staff have sacrificed their time, money, job etc to serve You unconditionally. Now, I understand why You have placed different people here. We all work for the glory of God, waiting for You to come back. We need a lot of encouragement and motivation. Thank You for good and loving colleagues. Let your people strive and win this battle with/for You. My time here, I have learned a lot about You and would love to have deep relationship with You where the world could not give me this kind of experience.   

Thank you Abba Father. I'm truly blessed and understand how much I needed You in my life.

Love,
Serena