Totally Confused

I'm feeling pretty lost lately.
Confused on the choices/decisions in life.
I really want to grow deep to know Him more.
Been attending Morning Prayer for the nation.
Somewhat, I think I neglected to understand God's will in my life right now.
Seriously, I'm confused....

Continue to study? Master/degree/cert?
I don't know.
Been praying. But not fully understand what His response.
And it made it more difficult when I couldn't differentiate the choices I have.
Whether it is from Him or me?
I'm thinking too much.
Too impatient, not surrendering fully.
Liking someone.
My problem for now I can't push this feeling away.
It is hard. I wish I don't have it at all.
Wonder God will be jealous if 'it' becomes a barrier in my relationship with Him.

Especially, feeling insecure, badly want to be single for the rest of my life.
Read too much but no action is another struggle.
I wish I could just disappear from this world and just spend time in His embrace.
I long for His love and guidance.
I do not know what I want anymore.
I see things so negatively now and then.

Seriously, I can't bring myself to do what I think I could.
I don't have the confidence.
I want to be independent.
No one will ever understands.
NOT a single soul will understand.
I want to stay away from this place.
Far away that no one can see me now.
Forgive me as I have put so many different masks on.
I'm totally not myself.

Lost again. Need to stop and think before I journey on.