I'm feeling bad lately. I'm sad about my action towards everything, even with friends and family. I've been drifting away from Him. I know He is with me. Somehow lost the touch, His touch...I need time to refresh again... soon but when?
The word - Broken, has been appearing in my mind quite often. Am I broken? Shouldn't I will be broken before Him? Simple example, I'm like the cracked jar made with clay. God knows that I need to be refined by Him. It's time to tell everyone I'm broken. I lost faith in Him. I don't know what have I become. I feel discourage. I'm basically putting a mask to tell everyone I'm okay. But in fact, I think it's okay to tell everyone I'm broken, I want to be broken badly.
There is a lot of things in life I want to do, to earn sufficient money to support my family. Seem like my dad is going to be jobless soon... I pray for God to intervene. If I needed to come out of NGO, I will go in for corporate to work and support. I've not been working in corporate for 3 years. If I go back, I will have to start all over again. I feel so insecure, reaching 30 next year, I don't know how can I support myself.
What about NGO now? I don't earn much! In fact, I'm complaining on my saving and so on. It's a sacrifice I need to face. Or should I say it's my decision that I obeyed His call. He called me. How can He not provide? How come I feel insecure knowing that He will provide everything.
A lot of things I want to get (so worldly of me), and recently my spending power exceeded the amount of what I earn. Of course I spent on the things I need, like groceries, sport shoes, etc. Next year, I would plan my budget on my piano class, Bible college and Korea trip. It's not easy. Seriously, I don't have a permanent saving. Imagine, a single lady like me, don't think too much of the future when I was young but now, reaching 30 is like a marker in my life that I need to start to take care of myself. I can't guarantee how my life it's gonna be in the near future. I'm afraid, yes I do, I want to plan for my future.
Funny how God spoke to me this Morn through a devotion that spoke straight to my heart. Something inside me has damaged or need to be damaged so that He can fill me again. He will make me new again.
Right now, I can't seem to look or feel good about anything. I need to learn His grace is sufficient for me. To this point, I know I can feel hopelessness and despair... I'm sharing this devotion and the song by Sidewalk Prophets, to remind myself that I'm truly broken before Him...I need Him to show me the way. Help me LORD. Help me... I want to be broken by You badly. I'm feeling sorry, and I want Him to forgive me...
The Distraction of Contempt (utmost.org)
What we must beware of is not damage to our belief in God but
damage to our Christian disposition or state of mind. “Take heed to your
spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:16).
Our state of mind is powerful in its effects. It can be the enemy that
penetrates right into our soul and distracts our mind from God.
There are certain attitudes we should never dare to indulge. If we do, we will find they have distracted us from faith in God. Until we get back into a quiet mood before Him, our faith is of no value, and our confidence in the flesh and in human ingenuity is what rules our lives.
Beware of “the cares of this world…” (Mark 4:19). They are the very things that produce the wrong attitudes in our soul. It is incredible what enormous power there is in simple things to distract our attention away from God. Refuse to be swamped by “the cares of this world.”
Another thing that distracts us is our passion for vindication. St. Augustine prayed, “O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself.” Such a need for constant vindication destroys our soul’s faith in God. Don’t say, “I must explain myself,” or, “I must get people to understand.” Our Lord never explained anything— He left the misunderstandings or misconceptions of others to correct themselves.
When we discern that other people are not growing spiritually and allow that discernment to turn to criticism, we block our fellowship with God. God never gives us discernment so that we may criticize, but that we may intercede.
There are certain attitudes we should never dare to indulge. If we do, we will find they have distracted us from faith in God. Until we get back into a quiet mood before Him, our faith is of no value, and our confidence in the flesh and in human ingenuity is what rules our lives.
Beware of “the cares of this world…” (Mark 4:19). They are the very things that produce the wrong attitudes in our soul. It is incredible what enormous power there is in simple things to distract our attention away from God. Refuse to be swamped by “the cares of this world.”
Another thing that distracts us is our passion for vindication. St. Augustine prayed, “O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself.” Such a need for constant vindication destroys our soul’s faith in God. Don’t say, “I must explain myself,” or, “I must get people to understand.” Our Lord never explained anything— He left the misunderstandings or misconceptions of others to correct themselves.
When we discern that other people are not growing spiritually and allow that discernment to turn to criticism, we block our fellowship with God. God never gives us discernment so that we may criticize, but that we may intercede.
"Keep Making Me"
Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty
[Chorus:]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me
Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely
[Chorus]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making,
I know You'll keep making
Lord, please keep making me
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty
[Chorus:]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me
Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely
[Chorus]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making,
I know You'll keep making
Lord, please keep making me
No comments:
Post a Comment