It has been a while I didn't express it here. Yes. I'm always searching for answer. Sometime, God don't answer but I know He listens. I guess it is another breakthrough for me.
I just turned 30 last Friday. I had a good time with mom, dad and friends. This year is a season of testing. I have to juggle both my studies and ministry, which I'm still doing it now. A lot of things I want to be thankful for - especially this life. Reaching 30 is a mark for me to think about my past. My spiritual growth... has it grown, stagnant or failing? Despite of many challenges and expectations (be it in the organization or study or even my personal circumstances), I know that He has never leave me alone to handle so many things. In this ministry, I experienced His love and favor, and He is my Help most of the time but somewhere I got lost in my own walk with Him. I feel discouraged and disappointed. But God knows, He brought me to the light when I felt so lonely in this journey. I found myself drawing to Him more. I need HIM! All I need is Him!
Seriously, I've never expected much in this life but I want to thank God for the people He has brought into my life. They prayed and supported me. I'm blessed by them. Yea, I'm still single, nothing change but I am more mature in handling my emotion. If you have read my previous posts, you will know that my mood swayed quite often - I'm talking about my emo posts. However, over the period of molding by Him, I know that He has a reason to put me through - the key - to be authentic and be a child like to Him, depending fully on Him. I have learned to let go and surrender most of the time. Indeed, it is still a long journey to learn more about Him.
I'm dare to express my feeling - I'm sorry X. It took me for quite some time to be honest. I thought of meeting X f2f but it didn't turned up that way. Instead, I whatsapp'ed X. I managed to express and tell X. Case close. I don't have that 'feeling' anymore or even wrong thoughts about X. I care yes. But the caring part is over for now. It's a full stop. It has been more than 2 years. I did my part to reconcile. It's up to X to respond. I'm glad to have this breakthrough. A sense of freedom in me. I'm able to concentrate on what I need to do. To get a corporate job and start saving money for my studies. I have never been serious about this. Going to America, it's just a day dream but I know I have the passion to build my foundation right. I challenge myself that within two years, I will work and finish my AOIC course. I shall continue my studies there. I know it sounds crazy and I know it's not an overnight wish or magical thought. It has been in my heart for quite some time. I want to fulfill it.
Definitely I will stay in His path, I'm sure He will correct me if I go to the wrong path.
Yes, Serena. You need to build deep in His word. A strong foundation that I could then serve Him all that I have. Thank you Holy Spirit for guiding and waking me up.
It's never been too late...
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