New Year? Single? Life?

Yea, New Year.. So what? What's the big deal? Honestly, I don't have the mood to celebrate...

I really have given up hope at times especially when my family members don't understand me at all! Tolerate? I have been trying to be good to them, but I think my relationship with them gotten even worse than.... everyday definitely have argument! I feel like dying soon.. Why I have to go through this life? I know I'm called 'Christian' but I couldn't even fulfill a so call 'Christian life'. How can I show good example and teach GB girls? I should stop teaching and going to GB soon....

My life is totally a mess even though how many times I've tried to stand up and call upon Him. What am I doing? Am I going to the wrong direction? Should I seek counselor or psychologist? Seriously, I think sooner or later I will end up in a mental institution. I don't give a damn.. my life? Just let it be, I don't know what I should do now. My dreams and wishes, all will go away... Lifeless me.... People, just tell me turn left or right.....NOTHING I HOPE FOR THIS YEAR, JUST EAT AND ENJOY WHATEVER I HAVE...

Another prob, no one believes that I'm still SINGLE? So what's the big deal?... NO BF ever since I was young.. NOT A SINGLE BF, SO WHAT??? NEVER BEEN DATED, SO WHAT? I used to feel embarrassed last time whenever people ask me this whether I have bf or not.. but NOW? SO WHAT? I DON'T GIVE HOPE ANYMORE! A GIRL LIKE ME IS FAT AND UGLY, IT'S SO OBVIOUS THAT NO ONE WILL LIKE OR LOVE ME! TO ME ALL GUYS ARE HOPELESS FOR BOTH HANDSOME OR NOT - ALL OF THEM ARE USELESS TO ME, NOT TO MENTION THE ONES CLOSE TO ME.....I HATE MALE!

WTH!!!