Looking Forward

I attended a training just now, under Malaysian Care.
Brought home some knowledge about Financial Literacy Program.
Three questions I even asked myself - 1. Do I need it? 2. Is there any substitute to this? 3. Can I wait for it?
Financial planning is important in life. I think I can learn much more from others. 
God gave me a chance to be involved in the community.
Since young, I knew my parents are quite active in community services.
Right now, I think I can involve myself once or twice a month since Sunday Afternoon I'm not working.

I never knew that working in Church took out most of my time.
The only day I'm free is on Monday.
Not much time? Well, instead of complaining, I'm learning to set my priority right.
I just need a break. I'm so looking forward to KK trip with my mom.
Seriously I want to stay away from people in my church.
I had enough. Gave myself enough to serve.
I don't have the patience anymore to face them.
People can take things for granted. I'm worn and tired.
I'm a human being. I'm not human doing.
Can't they put themselves in my shoes? At least admin job is important too.
Wonder how others think about the cleaners? We are all humans.
Loved by God. Don't judge every bit of our actions.

Church is kinda like my second home. I spend most of the days there.
I need my life. Sometime I wonder, do I gave in too much?
Exercising my grace and forgetting that I have feelings too. 
Seriously, I do not know what is His plan for me in church.
He is totally molding me.
What do you mean surrender all? I mean it! ALL!!!

After the training, I head up to the gym (thank God for gym in my church).
This is the place where I can be fit, not just that, spending time with God alone.
Today is Wesak Day, a public holiday in Malaysia.
Yes, I can't deny the fact we have most holidays in Selangor state.
Thankful*

I was exercising just now, when the rain pours out heavily.
Loud sound of the rains dropping on the rooftop.
I set my itune to play my worship songs.
As I was walking, I felt cool wind... I knew He is with me when I was praying earlier on.
I sensed His presence. I heard Him saying to me, "don't push yourself too hard, let go, let Me help you".
I cried. Yes, I cry again, even in the gym. How can that be?
I'm like the lost sheep again.

I know God asked me to trust Him. I'm obedient but I do not have enough faith to trust Him. My future. My heart is so fragile. I can only go to Him. God heals. He cares. All He's asking from me today is to fully build my relationship to trust Him again. I push myself too hard, depending on myself too much.
John 15:5 I can't do anything without Him. A reminder again. 
I need to focus on Him by serving Him again. Which also means serving others.
I see myself involve in the community at this point.
I had enough of thinking, crying, and complaining about my own problems.

Next Monday, I'm going to see the college counselor.
I pray I will get the jeez out of it.
I want to go in depth of His word.
Pray with me.

Thank you.
Serena