Fear

Honestly, God has not given me the spirit of fear:

⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Tim 1:7

I do not know why I had this feeling earlier but it should not be. My mind is battling hard to accept the reality of working in this new environment soon. In fact, I worry about my life. I'm reaching 30 by next year. I am still single, and hate being alone. It's true I am an extrovert. I don't like to do things alone. Even watching movie, having a meal, exercise and so on. I am not sure what is God teaching me now, but I know this season is hard for me to go through. I cried, yes, cry baby is what you can call me. I need to accept the fact I'm lonely and I don't like to be alone in a new place. Moreover, I have to drive so far early in the Morning to work. In KL, the traffic is sucky. I hate it when I need to stuck in jam for an hour not to mention few hours. I do not know why all these worries getting into my tiny brain and started processing. So what if I don't have enough saving. I know God is supporting me. I miss the comfort I have in which soon I have to let go. I feel like I am making my parents to worry about me. I should not. Less than a month, I am going to move out of my working place. I wonder what God has in store. Seriously, I have never feel that way before. Who will understand me? Only Him. I pray often to regain my trust in Him. Only He can satisfy my soul. 

Another freaking thing is, I've tried many times to stay away from a guy I care so much, because of the boundary I need to set, if not, I don't think I can be myself anymore. It's so freaking hard not to care, being too caring is not good. It's my weakness. I cried like mad girl when something he said trigger me the most, it serves as an reminder to control my emotion and action towards him. I learned my mistake. Yes, I worry that one day I won't get a guy like him. What is most sickening that I always think he might be the 'one'. I am lying to myself. Anyway, I will forget him soon. What is the point I keep on caring and concern about his life. I just had enough. My close friend told me it's because I worried a lot. Yes, I am changing job soon, and I don't have a life partner, I am afraid that I will be alone in a ministry. Well, I just need to trust God will supply all my needs. Constant prayer and knowing Him, helps me to follow Him closely. That's all I need for now.